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Original Article:
The essay was a student who expressed their thoughts on the impact of technology on society. Although it was well-written, there were some grammatical errors and sentence structures that needed improvement.
Improved Article:
This essay presents insightful observations from a student about how technology influences contemporary society. Despite its overall coherence and compelling arguments, this piece could benefit from refinement in terms of grammar and sentence construction to further enhance its persuasiveness and .
The text eloquently articulates the multifaceted roles that technology plays in shaping modern life, offering unique perspectives on both positive and negative impacts. The writer skillfully weaves their thoughts throughout the essay, providing a nuanced argument for how technological advancements can simultaneously empower individuals while also presenting challenges to societal norms and structures.
However, incorporating more advanced vocabulary choices alongside greater precision in grammar would elevate this work beyond its current level. For example, substituting some of the common verbs with less used synonyms could provide readers with fresh insights. Similarly, ensuring that each sentence flows smoothly abrupt transitions or awkward phrasing would make for a more compelling and engaging reading experience.
In , while the student's essay is already commable in its conceptual exploration and persuasive argumentation, further refinement in terms of language polish will significantly enhance its quality and impact.
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